Magnetino engineers from the Relatable Quotes Department have created a programming language that allows them to rapidly design complex, DNA-encoded circuits that give new functions to living beings.

Using this language, anyone can write a passive-aggressive copy or draw a cynical illustration for the function they want, including but not limited to birthdays, Valentine’s Day, job promotions or resignations. This language, ironically called “Common Sense“, allows for detecting and responding to certain environmental conditions, such as blood relation, or longterm relationship for instance, in order for the resulting magnet to be age-inappropriate, vaguely insulting, obnoxiously endearing or ferociously amusing, depending on the programmer’s desire.

“It is literally a programming language for magnets,” says Tagmeno Ni, a professor of Fridge Magneting on the team.“You use a text-based language, just like you’re talking to another person. Then you take mainstream iconography, such as hearts, emoticons, photos or drawings, compile everything and then, this text-based language turns everything into a frigo-magnetic sequence that you put on a fridge or on magnetic paint and the amusement runs inside this cell. ”

Ni and his colleagues at Magnetino and International Institute for Standards and Ill-Manners have used this language, which they describe in the 1st April issue of Godawful Science, in order to build circuits that can detect up to three inputs (designer, copywriter, metallic surface) and respond in endless ways. Future applications for this kind of programming include designing magnetic games for kids, which will aid the learning of Common Sense, cynical humor pills whose purpose will be to level cortisol production triggered by hard cash or broken hearts, if too many toxic byproducts build up.

The researchers plan to make the results of their first programming attempts public on the Web, for everyone to access. They even consider gathering these results in various collections, and putting them up for sale by the bucket for anyone interested.